im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
