Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
