Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's on the porch naked. Help.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
