so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
