Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
