Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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