You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
