Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
