I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
