She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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