well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
