wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
