im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
