Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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