life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
