dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
