I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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