Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
