I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
