I must be too annoying 4 u.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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