I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
