ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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