Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
