i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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