I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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