Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
