I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
