well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
