My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
