i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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