I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
