I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
