your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
