so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
