I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
