just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
