Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
