His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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