he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
