You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
