The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
