can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How's work?
Spinning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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