he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
