I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
