During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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