just come out here and I will go home with you...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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