Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
