his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
