I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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