i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
