Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
