You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
