Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
