Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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