I like my sex mixed with concussions.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
