I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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