Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
