i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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