If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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